Nutri-Sludge

I wouldn’t describe kale greens as “glorious”

Self-indulgent Backstory

Two or three years ago, as an adult, I got braces. I don’t recall whether I ever mentioned that here.

When I got braces, I quickly discovered I’d have to change my eating habits. They’ve been off now for about a year, but at least one of the dietary changes I made for braces has proved a keeper.

Before braces, I ate a bowl of oatmeal with raisins every day for breakfast, usually eaten the consistency of cookie dough and sometimes with chocolate chips. Cinnamon, brown sugar also. Something about that mix – probably mostly the scalding raisins – gave me a bad sensory interaction with my braces.

My wife had started making kale smoothies using the individual blender cup that came with our factory refurb Ninja Blender set of devices. They looked like alligator vomit but actually tasted pretty good. No sensory malfunctions associated with consumption of this meal substitute.

Seriously, This is a Great Breakfast

I started making these smoothies myself when my wife several times balked at preparing them for me. I like the ones I make better than those my wife makes. These sludge mixes taste surprisingly good. Here’s how I make them using the large Ninja blender container:

  1. I dump in 24 ounces of almond milk. I prefer chocolate but my wife never buys it because she thinks it too fattening. Almond’s don’t really have teats and I’m sure the process used to wring “liquid” from almonds actually uses whatever’s left over from packaging almonds for sale.
  2. I add grape juice or grape extract.
  3. I add some “essential oil” blend made from, it smells like, mint and grapefruit.
  4. I add a couple of bananas
  5. I add one or two cups of quick oats
  6. I sprinkle some cinnamon
  7. I sprinkle some chili powder
  8. I dump in some chia seeds.
  9. I add two or three tablespoons of flax seed
  10. I add about four tablespoons of powdered peanut butter
  11. Sometimes, I’ll dump some yogurt into the mix
  12. I stuff the blender with kale greens or spinach leaves. I prefer the spinach but for some reason, my wife usually gets kale.
  13. I run the blender to mix this stuff down to sludge.
  14. Sometimes I add more kale or spinach.
  15. I typically dump in some water or coffee
  16. I add some coconut oil – in order to properly digest some of that ruffage, a little oil is necessary
  17. Finally, I add some frozen blueberries
  18. Then I blend all that for awhile

Today’s sludge had a bowl of pomegranate seeds in the mix.

Yes, it takes a few minutes to make Nutri-Sludge, but large pitcher of it lasts two or three days as a breakfast drink. And it tastes better than it sounds like it would taste. Have you ever read Sax Rohmer’s Fu Manchu series? This stuff reminds me of the longevity mix the insidious Fu Manchu requires Dr. Petrie to compound for him in exchange for ceasing his interference with Petrie’s relationship with the former Egyptian slave girl, Karameneh.

Give it a try and see if you achieve length of days and domination of a secret Oriental society.

These are amazing, not glorious, but amazingly good